General Questions
- What will happen in the weeks prior to your wedding?
- What will happen at your wedding?
- How do we reach you after the wedding?
- So, what is going on with your names?
- What should I wear?
- Will men and women sit together?
- Will men and women dance together?
- Will I even be able to figure out how to dance?
- What is “shtick?”
- Why will you be fasting on your wedding day?
- What goes on at the kallah’s tisch and the chatan’s tisch?
- Why does Luba wear a veil? What is a bedeken?
- Why do both of you walk down the aisle? Why do you have two escorts each?
- What does the chupah signify? Why will David arrive there first, and why will Luba walk circles around him?
- Why do both Luba and David wear white under the chupah?
- What goes on during kiddushin (the betrothal or ring ceremony)?
- Doesn’t David get a wedding ring, too?
- What is a ketubah?
- What are the Sheva Brachot (seven wedding blessings)?
- Why does David break a glass at the end of the ceremony?
- Why are Luba and David running away right after the ceremony?
- What marks the end of the wedding?
- Where can I find a glossary of all the Hebrew/Yiddish terms that are in this website?
- What does it mean that the food is “kosher?”
- Who provides the kosher supervision for your caterer?
- Will I be able to eat at your wedding?
What will happen in the weeks prior to your wedding?
On January 4, the Shabbat morning prior to the wedding, David will have an aufruf, literally a “calling up”, at Congregation Ohab Zedek. He will recite the blessings preceding and following a portion of the Torah reading in synagogue, and he will receive a special blessing for bridegrooms. A few days before the wedding, Luba will go to the mikvah, or ritual bath, for the first time, in order to spiritually and legally prepare herself for marriage.
On January 4, David and Luba will spend their last Shabbat as singles apart from each other. This affords the opportunity to share old memories with their closest friends. It also heightens their anticipation for the wedding itself. In addition, the separation (and consequent reduction in natural pre-nuptial craziness) allows them to be more rational and thoughtful about this life-changing decision.
What will happen at your wedding?
For a good summary of the entire structure of a traditional Jewish wedding, click here.
The wedding will begin with refreshments for the guests. David and Luba will alternate mingling with their guests and hosting private tisches (tables) in an adjoining room. The bedeken, or veiling ceremony, will take place at the end of the refreshments period.
After the bedeken, the guests will assemble in the sanctuary for the processional and ceremony under the chupah. The ceremony consists of two parts – kiddushin (betrothal) and nissuin (marriage) – separated by the reading of the ketubah. At the end of the ceremony, David will break a glass and the couple will be led by dancing and singing guests to the yichud room.
While Luba and David enjoy a few moments of privacy, the guests will find their seats at the reception and place their dinner orders. The couple will join their guests within twenty minutes for dancing and merrymaking. Dance sets will alternate with courses of the meal, and the evening will end with Birchat Hamazon, the grace after meals.
How do we reach you after the wedding?
You can see our address and phone number here. Please see below regarding our names.
So, what is going on with your names?
The bride will change her name to Luba Kozlova Teten. The groom will be keeping his name, despite his feminist urge to do otherwise.
The invitation says “eleven o’clock”. When should I actually arrive?
From about 11:00 to 11:15, David and Luba will host their respective tisches, and you will have the opportunity to mingle with other guests and witness the bedeken. The processional, followed by the ceremony under the chupah, will begin at 11:30. We strongly encourage all guests to arrive by 11:00 at the latest.
What should I wear?
Our wedding is business attire. As the wedding is a religious ceremony, both men and women are politely requested to dress modestly (shoulders and knees covered). Feel free to email us with specific concerns. For more on the subject of modest dressing in Jewish tradition, click here.
Head coverings are not required, but we will be providing yarmulkes before the ceremony for men who choose to wear them. Married Jewish women may feel comfortable covering their hair during the ceremony, although they are not required to do so. We will not be providing scarves for this purpose.
All guests are strongly encouraged to wear or bring comfortable shoes for dancing.
Will men and women sit together?
Men and women will be seated together for the dinner and, in accordance with tradition, separately for the religious ceremony.
Will men and women dance together?
In accordance with Jewish tradition, we request that people not dance with partners of the opposite sex. There will be one “mazinke” dance, which is traditionally performed by the parents when the last child is married. At that time, married couples will be able to dance together.
Will I even be able to figure out how to dance?
Simcha dancing can be very simple or very complicated, but primarily it is an expression of joy and fun. Much of the music lends itself to circle dancing; when the steps get more complicated, someone will be happy to show you the moves-or you can just do your own thing!
Fortunately, David’s mother is a professional choreographer and dance researcher and would be happy to answer any questions you have on the subject.
What is “shtick?”
In Judaism, it is a mitzvah (commandment) to rejoice with the bride and groom on their wedding day and, in your rejoicing, to make the couple happy. The tradition has evolved through the years. In Eastern Europe a few hundred years ago, a jester would be hired to provide entertainment through the reception. Today, the couple’s friends will often dress in silly costumes, perform magic tricks or acrobatics, and distribute plastic leis and maracas to the other guests in order to enliven the party atmosphere. Click here for some more ideas for traditional shtick. If you are very athletic, check out Breakdance.com, TricksTutorials.com, or Bilang Martial Arts Trickz.
Why will you be fasting on your wedding day?
One’s wedding day is considered a personal Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement. The bride and groom fast prior to the wedding ceremony in order to cleanse their souls and better focus on the commitment they are about to make to each other.
What goes on at the kallah’s tisch and the chatan’s tisch?
Since “tisch” is the Yiddish word for “table,” the terms “kallah’s tisch” and “chatan’s tisch” mean, literally, “bride’s table” and “groom’s table.” During the first half of the refreshments period, David will mingle with guests in one room while Luba entertains (and is entertained by) close friends and relatives at a table in a separate private room.
After about 20 minutes, Luba will be escorted into the main room (with David safely out of sight) and led to a specially decorated chair-a symbolic throne for the bride, who is treated as a queen. The period which follows is known as hachnasat kallah (literally, “attending the bride”). Guests will greet the bride and close friends will receive special blessings from her.
In the meantime, David will be at his own tisch with relatives and friends. Two important documents will be witnessed at the chatan’s tisch. The first is tena’im, or engagement papers. Today this document is largely symbolic and is signed immediately before the wedding to avoid the serious complications of a broken engagement. After tena’im are signed by two witnesses, the parents will break a plate, indicating their hope that no further disagreements (broken plates) will occur between the two families. Following tena’im, the ketubah is read aloud. David will indicate his acceptance to this contract by the taking of a handkerchief, and two witnesses will sign the ketubah, making it a valid and binding contract. The final step in putting the ketubah into effect occurs when David hands it to Luba under the chupah. Once these documents have been signed, David will be escorted from the tisch to the cocktail room for the bedeken.
Why does Luba wear a veil? What is a bedeken?
The bride’s veil recalls the modesty of the Biblical matriarch Rebecca, who veiled herself upon seeing her future husband Isaac for the first time. The veil indicates that the groom loves the bride for her inner beauty and spiritual qualities as well as her outward appearance.
The term bedeken comes from a German word that literally means, “covering.” Toward the end of the refreshments period, David will be escorted by male friends and relatives (and some spirited music) from the chatan’s tisch to Luba’s “throne” in the cocktail room. He will take a moment to ensure that the bride is, in fact, the woman he wants to marry, thereby avoiding the Biblical situation where Jacob married Leah when he intended to marry her younger sister Rachel. David will then place one layer of the veil over Luba’s face, alluding to his promise to clothe her (one of the groom’s obligations to the bride as specified in the ketubah).
Just as Rebecca’s family blessed her before she left to marry Isaac, David and Luba’s fathers will bless her at the end of the bedeken, just before the processional begins.
Why do both of you walk down the aisle? Why do you have two escorts each?
Both David and Luba will walk down the aisle toward the chupah, just as both of them are moving from their individual lives toward a new life together. Traditionally, the bride and groom are each escorted by both of their parents. This signifies that their families support the union, and that they will stand by their children as individuals and as a couple.
What does the chupah signify? Why will David arrive there first, and why will Luba walk circles around him?
The chupah, or marriage canopy, symbolizes the home that Luba and David will build together as a married couple. Its open sides recalls the tent of our ancestors Abraham and Sarah, who were known for their hospitality. The chupah also reminds us of the canopies God erected in the Garden of Eden for the first wedding, between Adam and Eve. This wedding completed the act of Creation, and just as every wedding recalls this first one, Divine joy is present at every wedding.
David will arrive at the chupah first in order to welcome Luba into their home. (Roles will reverse when Luba enters the yichud room first to welcome David.) He provides the roof of their home, but the home is still without walls. Luba will join David at the end of the processional and walk seven circles around him, symbolically building the walls of their new home. Just as the roof David provides will offer shelter to his bride, Luba promises protection and support for her groom by these walls. The seven circles recall the rotations of the earth during the seven days of Creation, reminding us that marriage was the final act of that Creation. The circles are also said to represent the bride and groom’s entrance into the seven levels of each other’s souls.
Although some brides are accompanied by two escorts-usually the mothers of the bride and groom-in their circles around the groom, Luba has chosen to walk these circuits alone, signifying her independence and the private nature of her relationship with David.
Why do both Luba and David wear white under the chupah?
White fabric, difficult to make and even more difficult to keep clean, was once reserved for royalty. As a bride and groom are considered a Queen and King on their wedding day, Luba and David will both wear white garments under the chupah. The color also signifies their great and pure joy on this special day.
When he arrives at the chupah, David will don a kittel, a simple white robe that Jewish grooms have worn since Talmudic times. The kittel has no pockets, indicating that Luba is marrying David for who he is and not for what wealth he brings to the union. For similar symbolic reasons, the kittel is also the garment worn by a person at the time of burial.
What goes on during kiddushin (the betrothal or ring ceremony)?
The Jewish wedding ceremony is divided into two parts: kiddushin and nissuin. Both parts begin with a blessing over a cup of wine. In kiddushin this blessing is recited by the mesader kiddushin. He will then recite a second blessing which speaks of the sanctity of marriage and reminds us which marriages are forbidden. David and Luba will then each drink from this cup of wine.
David now gives his bride a gift: a simple wedding band. The ring must have no engravings, stones, or other adornments so that its value may be easily and accurately assessed. The simplicity of the ring signifies our wish for a marriage of simple beauty, free from blemish, obstruction, and conflict. As David places the ring on Luba’s finger, he will say, “Harei at mekudeshet li b’taba’at zo kedat moshe v’yisrael“-“Behold, you are consecrated to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.” By extending her finger to receive the ring, Luba indicates her desire to enter into this marriage. She remains silent, as any words spoken may be misinterpreted as dissatisfaction or protest.
David places the ring on Luba’s right index finger. Since the bride stands to the groom’s right in a Jewish ceremony, her right hand receives the ring so that the witnesses have a clear view that the ring is actually being placed on her finger. Furthermore, the index finger is commonly used for pointing and indicates the bride’s active participation in the betrothal ceremony. Later, Luba will transfer the wedding band to her left ring finger.
Doesn’t David get a wedding ring, too?
Because a double-ring ceremony has the potential to create problems within Jewish law, Luba and David have chosen to have a traditional one-ring ceremony. However, David will not have to miss out on the pleasure of wearing a wedding ring! Luba will present David with his wedding band immediately after the ceremony.
What is a ketubah?
The ketubah is the Jewish marriage contract. The traditional text we are using is written in Aramaic, the vernacular of the Jewish people (and Jesus) over 2000 years ago. This binding document details the groom’s obligations to the bride; he promises to “work for, honor, provide for and support [the bride] in accordance with the practices of Jewish husbands…” The ketubah also grants the bride several special privileges within the marriage. One of its original purposes was to specify the amount of money she would recover from her husband’s estate in the event of his death, placing her ahead of other creditors in collecting debts and protecting her interests as a widow.
Hundreds of years ago, kiddushin, or betrothal, took place about one year before nissuin, the marriage. Today, we conduct both ceremonies successively, and the ketubah is read after kiddushin in order to form a separation between the two.
Reading the ketubah also reminds us of the “marriage” between God and the Jewish People, where “Moses took the Book of the Covenant” and read it to the people after the Jewish nation stood under the chupah at Mount Sinai (Ex. 24:7).
For more details on the ketubah, click here.
What are the Sheva Brachot (seven wedding blessings)?
For nissuin, the second part of the ceremony under the chupah, the seven wedding blessings are recited over a second cup of wine. After the seventh blessing, Luba and David each drink some of the wine.
- Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who creates the fruit of the vine.
This is the usual blessing said over wine.
- Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who has created everything for His glory.
This blessing refers to Creation, an underlying theme of the Jewish wedding.
- Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who fashioned the human.
This alludes to a complete human being before the creation of man and woman, and provides an introduction to the next blessing.
- Blessed are You, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who fashioned the human in His image, and prepared for him-from Himself-a building for eternity. Blessed are you, Lord, Who fashioned the human.
The “building” refers to Eve, the first woman, who was created from the body of the original complete androgynous human being.
- Bring intense joy and exultation to the barren one through the ingathering of her children amidst her in her gladness. Blessed are You, Lord, Who gladdens Zion through her children.
We pray that both Jerusalem and the new couple shall know intense and everlasting joy, and that both will rejoice with their children – literal and figurative – in their future happiness.
- Gladden the beloved companions as You gladdened Your creature in the Garden of Eden in that time. Blessed are You, Lord, Who gladdens groom and bride.
We pray that God will gladden the new couple as they join together and become loving companions for one another, and that He will grant them the pure happiness of Adam and Eve. Just as Adam and Eve were certain that they were destined for each other – as they were the only people in the world at the time of their marriage – the bride and groom should always feel that they were intended as each other’s perfect match.
- Blessed are you, Lord, our God, King of the universe, Who created joy and gladness, groom and bride, mirth, glad song, pleasure, delight, love, brotherhood, peace, and companionship. Lord, our God, let there soon be heard in the cities of Judah and the streets of Jerusalem the sound of joy and the sound of gladness, the voice of the groom and the voice of the bride, the sound of the grooms’ jubilance from their canopies and of youths from their song-filled feasts. Blessed are You, Who gladdens the groom with his bride.
This lengthy and beautiful blessing concludes the sheva brachot recited under the chupah. Two portions are sung aloud by all present, and then repeated by the person reciting the entire blessing. First are the ten expressions of happiness (“joy and gladness…companionship”), which allude to the ten canopies that God erected for the marriage of Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden. The other, “the sound of joy…voice of the bride” is part of the longer song beginning at “let there soon be heard,” which is sung and played many times throughout the wedding. The blessing ends with praise for God as matchmaker, who creates joy for those who have found their true companion.
Why does David break a glass at the end of the ceremony?
We are commanded, even in times of extreme joy, to remember the destruction of the First and Second Temples in Jerusalem. Shattering glass creates a loud, sharp noise that should pierce our ears and our hearts, reminding us of the Temple’s glass gate that King Solomon built especially for bridegrooms. Breaking a glass also recalls Moses’s breaking of the first tablets of the Law upon seeing the golden calf at Mount Sinai.
It is appropriate to greet the couple with “Mazal Tov!” (literally, “Good Luck!”) after breaking the glass, alluding to the verse: “He who has found a wife has found goodness (tov), and he has brought favor from God” (Proverbs 18:22). However, we ask our guests to first take a moment of silence to remember the destruction of the Temples before greeting us, and to reflect on the verses that we will chant before breaking the glass:
If I forget thee, O Jerusalem, let my right hand forget her cunning.
Let my tongue cleave to the roof of my mouth, if I do not remember you;
if I do not place Jerusalem above my highest joy.
(from Psalm 137)
Why are Luba and David running away right after the ceremony?
Immediately after the ceremony, Luba and David will spend their first moments as a married couple in complete privacy, alluding to the new intimacy in their relationship. Escorted by their dancing attendants and guests, they will walk from the chupah to the yichud room. (“Yichud” literally means “togetherness.”) Two witnesses will first ensure that there is no one in the room. Luba will step in and then turn to welcome David into this symbolic bridal chamber. The witnesses will close the door and stand guard outside the room, emphasizing that a married couple’s privacy must be respected.
According to Jewish law, it is prohibited for non-relatives of the opposite sex to be in a secluded place together, i.e., in a place where they could potentially do something they should not be doing. When Luba and David close the door behind them in the yichud room, this will be the first time that they have ever been in a private place together.
(For the nosy among you, the yichud room is really just a symbolic consummation of the marriage; Luba and David will share a small meal and a few tender words, and that’s all.)
What marks the end of the wedding?
The reception officially ends with the group recitation of Birchat Hamazon, the grace after meals. The grace is preceded by the singing of Psalm 126, indicating the joy a couple feels immediately following their wedding. One person is appinted leader of the grace, and he begins by holding a cup of wine while inviting the guests to recite grace together. The usual invitation to recite grace is expanded after a wedding feast to include references to the celebration taking place and to joy in general. After grace has been recited, the last six of the sheva brachot that were recited under the chupah are now said over a second cup of wine. The leader then makes the blessing over wine and drinks from the first cup. The wine from both cups is poured into a third, and then some of the mixed wine is poured back into the original cups, one of each is given to the bride and groom. After Luba and David have drunk from their cups, they will pass the wine around to the guests, who may drink a sip for good luck in love.
Where can I find a glossary of all the Hebrew/Yiddish terms that are in this website?
Just click here.
What does it mean that the food is “kosher?”
Kosher food conforms to the Jewish dietary laws. Primarily, these laws restrict which land animals and seafood are permitted to be eaten, and dictate that meat and dairy cannot be cooked, prepared, served, or eaten together. A mashgiach, or person well-versed in the dietary laws, will be in the kitchen to supervise food preparation. For more on this subject, click here.
Who provides the kosher supervision for your caterer?
Kay Caterers, which is the exclusive caterer to Lincoln Square Synagogue.
Will I be able to eat at your wedding?
The event will be kosher parve (i.e., neither meat nor milk will be served). If you have any concerns about the menu, please contact us ASAP.
We thank the newlyweds Julian Gorfajn & Shanna T. Giora-Gorfajn for contributing some of the content on this FAQ.
