David aspired to marry a truly exceptional woman. Of course, such people are rare and finding one requires significant effort.
In the interests of finding such a woman, he wrote a prospectus summarizing his selling points, risk factors, and targeted investor. He distributed this prospectus to over 230 shadchaniot (matchmakers for the Jewish community) and to over 130 friends. He personally met with over 60 of those shadchaniot and additionally spoke with over 100 of them via phone. These various intermediaries suggested over 200 women. In order to track all this, David built a database with over 400 matchmakers.
Michael Sugarman, a friend from Harvard, made a film about how David went about his dating process. (If you would like a copy of the database or of the film, contact David.)
He was taking a risk by refusing to compromise until he met a truly exceptional woman. Fortunately, this risk paid off when he found Luba.
On March 18, 2002, he found Luba’s profile on SpeedDating.com, an internet site for singles run by Aish HaTorah. He immediately saw that he had found his soul mate. So he wrote her the same note that he wrote to eight other women that night:
“Hi! I found your profile on SpeedDating.com, and I thought that it might make sense for us to talk. Please take a look at my profile, and please drop me an email if you think that we might be a match. If you don’t think that I am a match, then I certainly wish you the best, and I hope you find your husband in the very near future.”
Luba, immediately sensing that she had found her husband, wrote back that evening:
David,
Thank you very much for your interest in my profile. I found yours to be very impressive! However, I have just recently started dating someone. I apologize that I have not made appropriate changes to my status online. If something does not work out and you are still interested, I could drop you a line at a later point.
For now, wishing you all the best,
Luba
David realized that he could not sell this particular used car at this time. But perhaps a referral sale was possible? Luba might have eligible friends. So he wrote back (March 18):
Thank you for writing and for your kind words! If you happen to have any friends with a similar background to yours, I would certainly appreciate it if you could suggest they look at jdate.com #XXXXX, or at my SpeedDating.com entry.
Two weeks later, Luba wrote back (March 31):
Hi David,
My earlier mentioned relationship was rather short lived. Well, I reread your profile again and again found it very impressive, especially the part about writing a dissertation together since it is in my plans 🙂 I was wondering if you were still interested in this acquaintance.
Best, Luba
David responded immediately:
Thanks for writing!
Please find a (much) more detailed prospectus, enclosed.
What I read on the web looked very relevant, but wasn’t very detailed. I’d love to learn a little more about you: background, what your dissertation is on, education, etc.
Thanks!
Luba was entertained by the idea of a personal ad in the form of a prospectus, and half-jokingly wrote back with her own prospectus to David.
It was clear that this relationship had potential. Luba and David thought that a nice, quiet, private lunch would be a good way to meet. So they went to a 20,000-person pro-Israel rally at Dag Hammarskjold Plaza on April 7, followed by lunch. On April 9, they had dinner together for their second date. David impressed Luba greatly, as shown by her email on April 10, which said (in part):
David,
Thank you for a thought provoking dinner last night. I think you are an extraordinary man and I am confident you will find your “ayshet hayil”. I wish I could be her, but I don’t think I am.
Thank you for the enjoyable time and good food for thought…. and just food.
Wishing you all the best,
Luba
David wrote back promptly:
Thank you for your kind words. I was actually just about to call you and ask you out again, but I guess I’ll have to refrain. You are very much what I am looking for: intellectually grounded philosophy, conservative values, strong education, family – focused…and a nice smile besides! But it takes two to tango, so if you don’t wish to pursue the relationship, then I can only acquiesce.
Please find enclosed my matchmaker database, which may be helpful to you. If you have any friends who you think would be relevant for me, I would very much appreciate an introduction.
Luba was surprised at this polite email which indicated interest on David’s part; she had thought that David was not very enthusiastic about her. After some more back and forth, David asked her what the odds were that they would see one another again. He needed to know, in order to determine if he should meet some of the other young ladies in his pipeline. Luba wrote (April 10):
[ P(D+L go out on Sunday) + P(D+L go out on Shabbat) ]> .05
The appearance of mathematical notation in a romantic email immediately told David this was a very special woman. And so progressed their courtship. David took Luba to such romantic places as a blood drive (to demonstrate his physical health) and a political rally in DC (to demonstrate his political health). They also walked from 96th Street to Soho and back again on one Saturday (over 220 blocks), to further demonstrate’s David’s physical health despite his advanced age.
In addition, David and Luba conducted a research project: they went away together on weekends to meet married families and communities in: Columbia University, Passaic, Washington Heights, Riverdale, Monsey, Teaneck, and Crown Heights. In total, they met with over 35 couples and families, and asked each of them for their counsel on how to build a world-class marriage. They are very grateful for all of the advice that they received.
Between their first meeting and early October, David wrote Luba over 1300 emails, and Luba wrote David over 770 messages. These emails were marked by their near-Shakespearean eloquence and erudition.
As a small sample of that writing eloquence, David occasionally wrote mellifluous poetry for Luba (April 29):
Once there was a young lady named Luba,
Who dreamed of a vacation in Aruba,
She went around town,
In a white gown,
Which made it quite hard to scuba.
David and Luba soon became engaged….
